To Those Who Are About to Skate, We Salute You

by Power Drop
photos by Christopher Parks

Did the great FunQuest flood of 2007 affect player conditioning? Which teams would be on the upswing? Would the Angels of Death be as dominant? How would the "new" PrissKilla Prezleys fair? Would we witness the mythical leg whip? These were some of the questions fans had on their minds December 1st at Memphis Roller Derby's second season opener.

The PrissKilla Prezleys and the Legion of Zoom were the first two teams to hit the rink. The lap pace was faster and the play was much more physical than last season; the buzz was that the EMTs would be busy tonight, and they were with elbows flying into jaws, eyes and throats.

Machine Gun Kelly led the Z-Girls in points with 28 and had the highest scoring jams for this bout with two 8 point jams. Whorecules, head coach of the Z-Girls, was proud of her team and commented, "We started two bionic players and everyone gave their all." The bionic players referred to are Cleopatra Bones and Smashimi coming back from injuries with plates and pins.

About three months ago the PKPs almost folded, but a head coach change, player movement and some new meat have them looking like true contenders. Official Lee Hated told his team to go out and "get some respect," motivating a positive attitude change. Dirty Constance matched Machine Gun Kelly's 28 points and was the top scorer for the PKPs, who took this bout 73 to 65.

The second bout was a rematch of the 2007 playoff with the Angels of Death up against the Women of Mass Destruction. Each team had their battle stations manned and were ready to hit the deck.

Akilles Wheel put 26 points up for the WMDs and it was clear that the ladies in green did their homework with respect to the Angels of Death. They made every attempt to impede Lil' Cinner and dominate the non-Cinner jams. Bloody Elle was dealing brutal blocks and was ejected at the end of the third period.

Lil' Cinner continued to contribute by multiples with her 64 points and highest scoring jam of the evening with 18 points; two points off of the MRD record she set last July.

During last season's playoff bout the WMDs held their own throughout the first period, but as expected the AODs pulled away from there. Saturday it looked like a replay but this time the WMDs did not let up. Amazingly the WMDs led the AODs for a short while; no team to date has done this. The AODs were ahead again at the end of the second period, but only 49 to 46.

The third period saw some of the most jaw dropping action ever. Of course, the AODs punched the afterburner button (Lil' Cinner went up a gear). The penalty box and center oval got very lively. If anyone has any doubt about the serious desire to win in this league they should ask Brooken Bones about it, go ahead, I dare you. By the end of the match Cat Claus, Brooken Bones, Manda Malice and The Victator were ejected and the AODs took the game 98 to 66.

If Saturday night is any indication of what the 2008 season holds, expect to see the warrior spirit on hardwood.

The 2008 season is actually a stutter-step follow-up to 2007 that will bring the Memphis Roller Derby in sync with the other leagues in the Woman's Flat Track Derby Association. This will allow the unbeaten travel team to fully focus on thumping other cities' teams during the warmer months. By the look of things, the rollergirls are content to beat up on each other until then. No leg whip just yet.